I just can't get used to using the word 'disabled' to descibe myself. Its such a loaded concept, i always feel like i'm lying when i say it. Which i don't very often. As little as is possible in fact. It's mostly been avoidable, partly through denial but it has become neccessary to claim myself as such (or do i mean 'admit'?) in order that i get to sit my exams at home. If i didn't do so i would have to get on a train , where i would immediatly fall asleep, then if i was fortunate enough not to miss my stop, arrive at the exam hall dazed and confused and tired before sitting down in a warm, quiet room whereby it would probably take me less than half an hour before i fell asleep again, previous to which i would have gotten extremely tired, unsuccessfully tried to fight it and gone in to 'automatic behaviour' which would involve me writing all kinds of nonsense whilst falling asleep. So it seemed like the best idea.Although i did still have to think about it for some time beforehand ,such is my pathetic fear of 'labelling'.
I've just had to phone up the Disabled Students Office to find out about an assessment and i still feel like i am talking about someone else .Someone who really is disabled. Perhaps if i hyphenated the word i could relate to it better. Dis-abled. Seems somehow more appropriate.